The final installation in my First Tee interview series will be with my sister, who will be referred to as Driver. She chose this as her pseudonym because of her love of cars and because it was the only golf-related term she would consent to. She participated in one First Tee session and one LPGA class. She has attended her siblings’ First Tee classes for years, and as such will give a fresh perspective.
Since I can’t recreate her answers and do them justice as well, this post will be written by two people. I will type a comment or question, and she will type a response. I may edit the answers if they don’t have proper punctuation (you have been warned, Driver!). She says she will rewrite any questions that she doesn’t feel are flattering, so I suppose we’re even.
Q: Why did you first try taking a First Tee class, Driver?
A: Because family members were doing it, and I thought it would be fun. I was wrong.
Q: Why wasn’t it fun? All your siblings enjoy it.
A: Because I am sane, unlike them. I’m also not a big fan of marching around with a heavy weight on my back.
Q: There’s a lot more to golf than that. Do you remember anything you learned in the First Tee classes? A golf technique or a life lesson?
A: It’s fun to ride in golf carts. And treat people with respect.
Q: Well, that’s good. Also, please show less restraint. This thing is downright dry.
A: Whatever. And that’s not a question. No question marks.
Q: True. Here’s a question for you: Why do you think Eagle, Fore and I are insane to continue to golf?
A: Yes. But if you enjoy it, I won’t stand in your way.
Q: That wasn’t a yes-or-no question.
A: You didn’t tell me that.
Q: I’m sorry. I thought you would actually read the question. Silly me.
A: I think I’m dyslexic.
Q: PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTION.
A: Oh, ok, since you said “please”. Because it’s hot, it’s sort of boring sometimes, and none of you drive golf carts.
Q: I don’t think that makes us insane, but if you think that why did you win an LPGA class two summers ago?
A: I won an LPGA class two years ago? I don’t remember that.
Q: I meant to type “take,” not “win.” I don’t think you won anything golf related. Ever.
A: You’re very jealous of my many other skills. I took the class because there was ice cream involved. Am I getting paid for this?
Q: Okay, first: I am not jealous. Second: No, you are not getting money. Third: Did you have a favorite part (besides ice cream) of either class?
A: OK, 1: Yes, you are. 2: WHAT!?! I’VE BEEN TRICKED!!!!! 3: Yes. The pizza. And definitely meeting other girls.
Q: I never promised you money. Two days ago you wanted a tip for bringing me my towel. From the perspective of a non-golfer, what do you think of the First Tee? What do you think of golf in general?
A: I deserved a tip! I didn’t even spit on your towel! I think the First Tee is a good golf program that reaches all skill levels. But it’s not air conditioned. Golf isn’t air conditioned AT ALL. Also, the golf balls are too small. I can never hit them.
Q: Do you mind waiting on the patio at Riverview while the rest of us take lessons?
A: YES. IT IS VERY HOT AND HORRIBLE. HOW KIND OF YOU TO ASK.
Q: What a passionate answer. If it is so hot and horrible, why do you put up with it?
A: Because otherwise I would have to stay home and do school. So I suffer in a different way.
Q: What a pity. Now I will ask a question that, at this point, I don’t expect an answer to. Do you have a favorite golf related memory?
A: Yes! And not just to prove you wrong. I like having putting games with my sister.
Q: Joy! My baby sister likes me! Except now she won’t, because she hates being called my baby sister. Driver, are you going to hit me now?
A: YES. DUH.
Q: Ow. Now my arm hurts. I have run out of questions, so would you like to type anything else, Driver?
Q: Are you sure? It doesn’t have to be golf-related.
A: I THOUGHT YOU SAID NO MORE QUESTIONS. And yes, I’m sure.
That concludes my interview with Driver. For your information, it is a bit of a miracle that I kept her here so long. I hope it gave you some in depth information about kids who choose not to golf. Also, the “other skills” she mentioned were most likely knitting and convincing our parents to get more pets. Golf is not all there is to life, apparently!